Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize