yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
And then my night got REAL pukey
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
