Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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