I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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