i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
