Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
