I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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