He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
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