I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
