She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
