i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
