Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
