their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
is wine microwaveable?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize