uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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