It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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