I cannot find my penis.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
