I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
party gras won. party gras always wins.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
You're a waste of cheezeits
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize