3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
