No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
