found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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