checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
you didnt know i had herpes?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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