6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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