you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I need to align my fucking chakras
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize