Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
