It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
