How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
