3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
She just used a chaser for red wine.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
