We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
