dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
