I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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