ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
