I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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