Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
