I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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