Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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