she was so not down for the gang bang
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
