Are we in a gay sports bar?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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