I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
