I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
