i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
