I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
nutella sex= disaster
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
