Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
