So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Randomize
