Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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