I never want to see another naked old woman again.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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