Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
