His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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