My liver just broke up with me...
okay pat passed out under dana's car
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
