in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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