do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
