I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
