I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
