Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
she smelled like a LAN party
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
