throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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