Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize