i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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