i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
