If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
