i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
