Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
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