Non-Jews are for practice
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
