Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize