Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
