he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
