Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Randomize
