I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
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