if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
