some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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