I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
