Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
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