I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
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