idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
We were destined to go to rehab together
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
